Frustrated by domineering behavior in your meetings? Here’s how to keep it in check (most of the time)

We’ve all been in a meeting with that person: the one who speaks the loudest, monopolizes the conversation and talks over others. Being in proximity to this type of behavior can feel miserable (whether you’re a participant or the leader of the session). When it goes unchecked, it can often feel like bullying and will completely derail an otherwise productive gathering.

So, how do meeting leaders and workshop facilitators make sure teams can collaborate and produce their best work without being bulldozed by someone loud and intimidating? A bit of effort before and during a session can keep things running well and reduce the likelihood that this type of behavior will emerge from participants. And when it does, I’ve got tips for that too.

Manage Expectations

I’ve found that setting expectations for a workshop or meeting is a great way to get the group to focus on the problem at hand and manage tangential dialogue. I send an agenda to the participants in advance with information about what we’ll be doing and why we’ll be doing it in order to get their buy-in before we’re in the room. I also invite people to respond with questions via email so that they can talk to me directly about any concerns before we’re with the full team. It helps clarify the focus for our meeting and gives me something to defer to when loud voices try to hijack the conversation. Are they going off topic? Rambling on for many minutes? Simply point to the agenda as proof that you aren’t here to discuss “x” today, or that we need to keep moving to stay on track.

Another way I like to manage expectations is by sharing the rationale behind why we do certain activities during the workshop. I’ve found that when people seem to be questioning the approach, it’s typically because they may not understand the “why” behind what we’re doing. Clarifying those reasons and sharing them in a way that is easy to understand and hard to argue with goes a long way in keeping loud voices from disrupting the flow.

As an example, when I queue up the Crazy 8s exercise (which requires individuals to sketch their ideas on a sheet of paper divided into eight panels), I share the rationale behind what might seem to some like a redundant activity: “Sketching rapidly can eliminate overthinking and judging. When your mind doesn’t have time to shut you down, new ideas may emerge that wouldn’t otherwise make it to the surface. These ideas may fuel our final idea(s) and help us explore new possibilities.” And it’s hard to argue with that.

Leverage Structure and Proven Methods

If you want to keep bully behaviors from showing up, it’s best to bake mitigation methods into your workshop design. Establishing structure and protocols for how feedback and ideas are shared sets the tone for the interaction. If someone doesn’t follow the format, they’ll end up looking like a bulldozer in front of their peers.

For example, I let my workshop participants know that I’ll be calling on each of them to share. It allows me to request input from each so that they aren’t stumbling over one another. It also gives me the power to start with quieter voices in the room (like folks who might feel disinclined to share their ideas after loud voices have taken their turn).

Another way I like to level the playing field is by employing a timed feedback method. Before we start, I share with the group that each person will have three minutes to give feedback on an idea we’ve been cultivating. I set an actual timer and when it goes off their time is up, regardless of who’s talking.

To go a step further, I also like to offer a template for providing feedback: “I like ______, I wish ______, I wonder ______.” This forces everyone to standardize their input and helps solve for any wildcard personalities who might try to monopolize the discussion.

The last thing I’ll say on the topic is this: don’t be afraid to politely cut people off. It’s not uncommon for the loudest voices in the room to assume their opinions are the best just because they aren’t afraid to show how strongly they feel about them. As a facilitator, the group is counting on you to mitigate bias and create an environment that prioritizes doing great work and working well together (over the interests of a few).

Don’t Take it Personally

I know this is hard in practice, but it makes a huge difference. When someone is acting out it almost always has nothing to do with you. They might be frustrated that nobody is latching on to their idea, or resistant to attending the workshop in the first place. The best approach you can take as a facilitator who’s the target of misguided aggression is to recognize that it isn’t about you.

Rather than getting defensive or charged, see if you can diffuse the situation by asking questions and employing empathy. Can you receive the point without fighting back? Oftentimes, acknowledgement alone is enough to deflate bully energy.

If things are really uncomfortable, I suggest pulling that person aside during a natural break in the workshop to check in and see how they’re feeling (away from their peers).

Introverts Should Prep Accordingly

Would it surprise you to hear that I’ve chosen a career in facilitation and I’m an introvert? It’s true! For me, it’s absolutely critical to participate in the rituals and grounding activities that will allow me to show up ready to take on challenging personalities. The truth is, the energetic currency of an introvert is much different than that of an extrovert, and participating in an hours-long or days-long workshop has different implications.

Do you need a ten minute meditation before a session, or a 20-mile bike ride the morning of? Protect the time and space you need to conserve your energy so you can show up ready to manage even the most challenging moments (I feel so strongly about this that I wrote a whole article on the topic!). And if all else fails, remember the wise words of Brené Brown:

“Don’t shrink. Don’t puff up. Stand your sacred ground.”

Fellow facilitators, how do you take on domineering or intimidating behavior in your meetings and workshops? Let me know your tips by leaving a comment, and give me a follow if you’re interested in reading more of my work.